Near misses, school boy errors and lost passports!

Starring –

Mr prepared - Ady Davey

Driving Miss Daisy - Eamonn Geoghagen,

The Immigrant - Ray Driscoll

Guy Fawkes - Ali Cooper

Captain Steelo - Jon Steele

Mr Organised -Andy Swarbs,

Poker face - Tommy Webb

The Magnet - Kev Bale

King of smells - Ben Deacon

Man marker - Ted Streeter

Awol - Steve B

Day one – Near misses

This year we were asked to meet even earlier than usual, 5.40am outside the Tesco garage in town, it was freezing but not that cold to hard man Kev who felt it was warm enough just for a t-shirt! In true style the mini bus finally arrived at 5.50am and Ady looked harassed and was blaming Mr Organised! We were at Folkstone in double quick time and soon tucking into some tasty hot food. After a very quick crossing we hit France and soon enough Eamonn was bombing it down the motorway as fast as the van would carry us. Swarbs, Ali, Steelo, Raymondo and myself were involved in some pretty deep conversations about our beliefs and at this point I began to see a new side to captain Cooper, he would drop some very controversial comments into the discussion then back off, and from this moment on we knew as Guy Fawkes!! Then came the most memorable moment of the day…Eamonn attempted to kill us all!! Now you might think this sounds very dramatic but believe me the big Irish man came close to ending it all! It all begun with a slick overtaking manoeuvre past a huge 40ft lorry as we sailed past the big man decided we actually wanted to stop at the services and promptly swerved into the slip lane within inches of the truck. Ray and I at the back of the van could  see the chasis number of the lorry and we thought we were goners! Boy it was close! On pulling into the services we wrestled Eamonn to the floor grabbed the keys and tied him up and prevented any further instances.

We finally arrived in Dusiberg around 3pm and were actually early for the welcome meeting! Plus the meeting had been pushed back an hour! This seemed a perfect situation for Eamonn to begin to get to know the local staff in the town hall! I don’t think they could understand him though!

After the meeting we hit the sport centre and all confidently strode onto the pitch ready for a warm. Ted hoping to be considered for the tournament also donned his famous track suit and joined in. Webbo has never before be marked out of the game by a 70 year old man! But Ted was a decent man marker. After this we hit the bussling town of Duisberg, it was Friday and a busy night with at least 3 other people out and about, we went to our favourite joint, the sports bar, where we reminisced about Webbo’s antics last year and worked out which toilet he spent most the evening in! The night ended with a trip to the world famous pizza shop where Ben and I had chilli eating competition but there was only one winner as Ben ended up bright red and grasping for water! We finally retired at 12.30am ish!

Day two – School boy errors

We woke up  Saturday am to snow, yes snow, but it was a crisp sunny day and as we had actually been sensible the night before no-one had hang-overs so we were all feeling fit and good for the tournament, apart from Guy Fawkes who moaned all the way to the centre that we all snored. Ever listened to yourself mate! We were playing in the morning and first game was against Novi Sad, a Croatian team. They didn’t look anything special but we knew they were big and strong, a minutes silence was observed by in memory of our President David Richardson which was a nice touch.  The game kicked off and within the first minute a long shot spilled though the fingers of Ady and in slow motion trickled into the net, school error no.1. For the remaining 11 minutes we just couldn’t break them down, final score 1-0. Game 2 was v Dussledorf full gospel church, they were a team of Bruce Lee’s and we knew they were the weakest side, We raced into a two goal lead, both via the trickery of Kev, then I came on made two shocking school boy errors and before we knew it was 2-2. Nightmare final score 2-2. We faced our old foes Tubingen in the last game knowing we had to win big and we got smashed 4-0! We were out of the A tournament but individual mistakes cost us dear! I was named Mr Awol after this after failing to show up on the pitch!

Downbeat but not totally distraught we jumped on the train and headed for the carnival town of Dussledorf, we had no idea the carnival would be on again this year but were delighted when it was. Ray told me to take my passport just incase we got into trouble as he was taking his! This was the last we were to see of a certain someone’s passport! Eamonn became a social animal on the train as we all hid our heads, on arriving we walked for about 5 miles and found O’Niells where we watched Liverpool thump Sunderland. We hit the town and no sooner were we out of the door Kev was getting attention for the local women, he was like a magnet and for the whole night and had German women flocking to him. He was so smooth, and kept telling the women he was good with his hands as he’s a landscaper! It was similar to the pied piper! We did our best to keep him in tow and at one point I had to go back to a bar to grab him away from the attentions of three women who were desperate not to let him go! There was no stopping the boy. We tried to encourage Webbo to be his assistant and get to know some ladies but he wasn’t at the races! We finally ended back at O’Niells and after listening to some shocking karaoke we headed home. Ray and Ben did there best to talk to the locals but both ended up fast asleep much to the amusement of the rest of us, we finally all arrived home in tact at 3am. Now at this point last year Ady blew his top and stormed off home but he was surprisingly cool this year without a care in the world! What had changed? Apparently he was more prepared for it! Good stuff “Mr Cool”. Ali then sloped off to allegedly another room to sleep due to the previous night’s noise but mysteriously came in the next morning skint! It would be wrong to speculate quite where you had been!

Day 3 – Nearly

Day 3 and the B tournament, Ady and I sat it out and left it to the decent players and the youngsters!! And because we were donkeys on day one!! I call it a difference of opinions with the manager (Eamonn)!! In our first game we played a team called “20 stone blokes from Germany” ok so that wasn’t their name but it was a very suitable name!! Anyway we absolutely battered them as you would expect. The final score was 5-0 with goals from Ray, Swarbs (2), Webbo and Ali, absolute walk over and great for our confidence. Ben our keeper did not have a single thing to do. Game two and we needed a draw to reach the semis, but poor old Ben in goal not used to having any shots at him deflected brilliantly a shot going well wide into his own net! We ploughed on and finally equalised with just 3 mins left, Kev danced past two guys feed Ali who hammered home. Surely that was it, no, with 1 min 30 seconds left we let it slip got over run at the back post and the delighted striker thumped  home, nightmare. Not sure which was more disappointing Sat or Sun knowing how close we were to the semis! We returned to main hall and watched the remainder of the tournament which actually helped our confidence! The team we lost our first game were narrowly beaten in semi finals and the team we lost too last 4-0 lost in the final. Plus the team that knocked us out of the B Tournament won that also!

The closing ceremony was great, we finished 17^th and were cheered onto the pitch to receive our certificate. Swarbs turned glory hunter
(who said he doesn’t like the limelight!) and joined in the celebrations with the winning side as they all hugged each other and held the trophy, he didn’t look out of place either! I sure he made it into the local paper! It reminded of the Cantona imposter making it onto the pitch it was brilliant. With the tournament complete for another year we hit a local Italian where we had a great meal before heading back to the church. Swarbs was stocking up on food and ate abit of just about everyone’s food!  Now we thought it might be sensible to have an early night but some of the guys decided to have a low key game of poker. It all seemed good tempered until Webbo won just about everyone’s money, he must a secret gambling habit I reckon as no-one could touch him! Lights went out at 12.30 with Swarbs still grumbling that he’d been dealt some bad hands!

Day 4 – Missing passport

We made good time on the Monday, despite Swarbs doing his best to hold us all up. The van was packed and we were all set but Swarbs was sat on the floor still in his night attire asking how long he had!!! Anyway we arrived for the crossing in good time but nearly missed the crossing after Swarbs went the toilet for about an hour (clearing out the food from the night before!)  and he did eventually and trotted out without a care in the world! So we boarded the train. After a shortened version our tunnel kick about (after being told off) we came off the train and went to passport control in the UK. We all had to get out and show our passports, and at this point a little voice pipped up from the back… I can’t find my passport! It was big man Raymondo in his best school boy innocent voice. We were all a little surprised he hadn’t thought about it before now but we helpfully unloaded half the truck to discover the passport was no-where to be seen. Oh dear Ray!! Had it been stolen? Had another Ray Driscoll already used his passport and entered the UK, was it up for sale on ebay! This was no time for questions. Ray was taken inside by armed guards and left in prision for week on rations! What a great story that would have been! In the end Ray was let through after proving he wasn’t an illegal immigrant, I wouldn’t have let him it!! For the rest of the journey we analyzed where the mystery passport had gone, but it was last seen in Dussledorf!! Egg faced Ray was a little quiet on the journey after this! Swarbs had by the end of the trip become very close with Ali. I was lucky enough to witness Swarbs lovingly resting his head on Ali’s shoulder, it was the most touching moment of the tour, I think Ali secretly enjoyed it. They do say you get to know each other a lot better on these trips!!